You are having a bad day when…

your job seems totally overwhelming… really.

as does your weekend home improvement project

 Your cars horsepower gets an extra horse

 You need a larger squeegee

 The plane just falls apart at the seams

You end in some deep water

This may be against  OSHA rules (the occupational safety folks), but sure is a sick stunt

This is a joke, but somehow it seems to be repeated on the news nightly, go figure…

“I’ve sure gotten old,” said Maury the Snitch. “I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees.

I fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

I have bouts with dementia, such poor circulation that I can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Sheesh, I can’t even remember if I’m 26, or 62, or 86!
Plus, I’ve lost all my friends….

But thank God, I still have my driver’s license!”

How to make sure the same telemarketer never calls you back, well, here are a few ideas to get them as frustrated with you as you are with them, Screwing with the telemarketers.

Some of these are pretty funny, others, well not as great, but either way, still great pranks to play on the hard working people that work their asses off to annoy us at 9AM in the morning of our days off.

1. Talk really fast.
2. Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can’t hear them over the static.
3. Make up your own language. Speak it.
4. Hang up.
5. Make up a one word language. Speak it.
6. Say, “This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?”
7. If they say “Yes” to number 6 say, “Please state the nature of the emergency.” Then insist that their emergency isn’t an emergency. Hang up.
8. If they say “No” to number 6 say, “I’m sorry but this line is for emergencies only.” Hang up.
9. Pretend you just took hostages, and make demands.
10. Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the telemarketer to release the hostages.
11. Read the rest of this entry »